Two Years Ago....

Two years ago…

I can hardly believe that Cade joined our family two years ago on Saturday!

I have so many memories and emotions from that day and weekend.

Laughter: when I think about my mom. She had stayed with us for about 3 weeks waiting patiently for Cade to join us. When I told her I thought we should call my doctor and head to the hospital, she went into lightning fast speed. On our drive to the hospital, she asked me if she should drive 80 down the highway. No mom. Should she run through stop lights? No mom. All were legitimate questions given my track record of fast labor and delivery, but this time I was ahead of the game and knew there was time. Of course, as soon as we were about 10 minutes from the hospital, Kory who was almost 4, decided he had to go to the bathroom. My mom pulled into a fast food restaurant’s parking lot and rushed him in and out.

Relief and Excitement: when my doctor’s office said I was far enough long to send me to the hospital! And when I found out that the doctor on rotation “just happened” to be the same one who “just happened” to deliver my two other sons. I’ve always that that was so cool. She was there for the sadness of our first baby, Aidan, but was there also for the joy of our other two. I have always been so thankful that God allowed her to be there for the full cycle.

Relief: When Cade was born and thankful for yet again another short labor and delivery. I think this one went on about 4 -6 hours total again (please don’t hate me).


Frustration: When I was transferred from the delivery room into the recovery room. I ended up with a roommate who decided it would be good for her (and I) to watch (and listen) to her TV until 2 or 3 in the morning. Forget the fact that I just had a baby and was so tired! Oh and we got to listen/watch saved by the bell in the mornings on her TV too! I was also frustrated that the hospital no longer kept the baby in the nursery. This meant instead of a good night’s sleep with nurses bringing the baby to me for feedings, I had to listen to my roommate’s TV, try to sleep, and try to get the baby out of the hospital bassinet for feedings, diaper changes and snuggles. Can we say sleep deprived and ouch!

Excitement: When Kory came in the morning to meet his baby brother. He was so excited. The night before, he and grandma sat in the waiting room waiting and waiting for his baby brother to be born. When it got late, Keith told them to go on home so they could get a good night’s rest. I still can picture Kory’s excitement to see his baby brother and hold him too. I also remember Kory's excitement when Nannie (Keith's mom) offered to take him across the street for a treat. What a good big brother he has been!


“Surprise”: I was so “surprised” when my sister and my niece ended up at the hospital with my dad. Okay, I wasn’t completely surprised. My sister, my mom and my dad, let some things slip when my dad was traveling to make it out. But it sure was nice to have them there!

Wishing: Wishing I could have looked like all the other moms I had seen in pictures from the hospital. Seriously, how can they look so good after labor and delivery for hours!

Worry… I mean Trusting God: Cade was born with a port wine stain on his face. It basically means the skin and blood vessels formed close to the skin and in other ways didn’t develop as they should. In rare, rare cases, the skin’s blood supply being affected by a port wine stain can also affect the way the brain tissue developed. So when Cade was born, the doctors started to watch his face. At first, they thought it might have been bruising from delivery (his face was turned opposite of what it should have been). Then the next thing we know, one of the doctors from our pediatrician’s office came in and started telling us what could happen with his birthmark and the worse case scenarios. She, therefore, was recommending cat-scans and MRI’s. The main pediatrician at the hospital then called down to her other contacts and discussed it with them. Should he be brought in for a MRI? Should he be brought in for a Cat-scan? Was he responding fine with everything else? Interestingly, the main pediatrician at the hospital was the same one who was there with us during Aidan's birth and death. Again, it was neat to see God bring full circle another doctor involved in the short life of our first son.


Thankful: We were so thankful when the main doctor from our pediatrician’s office stepped in and said “wait. There is no need for further testing. He is responding fine to everything else. We will monitor him, but for now, no additional testing is needed.” Thank you God!


Frustration: I’m used to social workers showing up after a baby is born. I had it happen after Aidan was born and died. “Are you okay? Do you have a support team in place? Do you want to talk about this?” I got a social worker visit in the hospital after Kory was born, “Are you okay? Does this bring back anything you want to talk about? Do you have a support team in place?” And yet again I got a social worker visit. But this time it was not only to check up on how this related to my previous pregnancies and deliveries, but also related to Cade’s birthmark. “Are you okay? What are you thinking?” I wanted to scream, “Lady, if I wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t even be telling you!!!!” Instead, I politely said, “well we don’t know yet what it really is with his face so I’m not jumping to any conclusions until we know more.”


“Are you kidding me!!!!!?” (Part 1): Those were my thoughts on the lady who was in the delivery room next to me. She only spoke Spanish so she had an interpreter along with all of her paperwork. That lady screamed and yelled so loud during her labor and delivery. I was trying so hard to find a peaceful place in my mind to breathe and instead I hear her yells and cries. I have to just chuckle about it now.

“Are you kidding me!!!!?” (Part 2): Those were my thoughts as I had to sit through a lesson on how to bathe my baby, diaper my baby, and all these other things “we moms had no idea how to do.” I remember this other mom, who also had an older child, raise her hand and ask “um, do I have to be in here? I have an older child. I know how to do these things.” She had to stay. We all had to stay. And to end the lesson/class on a positive note, we all had to sit around and watch a video clip about shaken baby syndrome and then sign paperwork that could be held up in court if we were ever accused of shaken baby syndrome. Yeah… that’s a good one for moms right after birth! What are they thinking!!!!

Frustration: Cade just didn’t want anything to do with nursing or let alone sucking on a pacifier. This lead to many frustrating attempts at nursing – which were often interrupted by nurses taking him for his vital checks or me to go to that wonderful parenting class. The lactation consultant at the hospital tried to help. My mom tried to help. And he just wasn’t interested. It ended up leading us to many weeks of weight checks, supplemental formula feedings, meetings with lactation consultants and just trusting that “he’ll get it one of these days.” Now – he is always hungry!

Frustration: When you are self-employed and self-insured, it brings a whole new set of wonderful experiences to the hospital. Not only did I have social workers come because of his birth mark, I had social workers call and visit me because of my insurance. “Are you kidding me? You will get paid!” I did learn some interesting things. “Oh we just won’t include that in your paperwork” when they tried to get me to sign up for state aid, and I tried to explain how we had things set up. Seriously…Are you kidding me! I did end up learning some good negotiation techniques for lowering a hospital bill in the weeks and months to come. And yes… they got their money.


Peace: I remember this one nurse who came in to check on me during the night. She sat, and we talked for a little bit. Then she looked down at Cade and asked, "do you mind?" She rewrapped him up in his blanket and just sat and rocked him. When she had her fill of snuggles, she gently put him back, turned to me and said "thank you." I get tears now as I think of her. I wonder what she was thinking, but I'm guessing Cade touched her life somehow that night.


Relief: I was so relieved when it was time to go home. We were only in the hospital a couple days but it seemed like forever. I told Keith, “I just want to go home.” We would have gone home a day earlier but Cade was “jittery” before his circumcision, so they wanted to wait one more day before they did that. MMM… jittery… he was probably hungry because every time I went to nurse him, someone needed him or me. In all honesty, we think the doctor was concerned that his “jitteriness” was related to possible seizures of the rare disorder with the birthmark – so she was trying to look out for his well-being.

Smiles: I didn’t smile at this at the time, but looking back now I can. When we were FINALLY discharged, we were ready to go!!! The nurse said to me, “Make sure you take these extra diapers and wipes. You paid for them so take them.” Keith, in his wonderful humor, replied with “well since I paid for most of this, can I take the TV and the bed and this and this and this.” I couldn’t believe he said it! And since most of our family was there, they were edging it on even more. Talking about how they could move a pickup under the window to drop the bed and tv into. I was so embarrassed, at the time, but now looking back I can laugh at that moment.

Then we were home. Well first we stopped for a drink from 7-11. Just as we did after Kory was born. And when we got home, we were greeted by a lot of family. We had a full house for a day or two. Then they all left, and Keith went back to work.

Then it was just me. Me and my boys.

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Happy birthday Cade! Thank you for teaching me so much in the past 2 years. How a simple smile from you can brighten my day. How a simple hug from you can melt my heart. How watching you and your brother can have me frustrated one moment, laughing the next, and then crying. How watching you be so brave at the doctors’ offices breaks my heart. How hearing you sing to Jesus in the car touches my soul. How you make this family feel a step closer to being complete. Thank you Cade for being a part of my life and my family.